[Tool]Douchebag Motivation

Part story, part a tool, I guess. Maybe someone finds it useful

I've always been a procrastinator. Leaving everything to the very end, then rushing it, never learning anything completely just until I can use it, etc.

And the worst thing, it worked. I don't wanna drag IQ into this, but let's say I can learn and work fast when I have to.

But then it happened. I finished University, I had been working for over 2 years, and I wanted to leave my job and start working on my own projects. And I realized I have no inner drive. That the only way this was kinda working so far was because something was forcing me (Uni, job), and it's not I just stand still.

And I didn't like that. I can tell you the causes after awhile I found them, they were clear as day and talk about depression but that won't help anybody. You can actually be depressed and working, funny thing depression shrinks just by working. And gets so large when you are just standing.

But what I realized motivation does not generate work. I mean it seems logical that it should. But in my example, it didn't function like that.

I waited. For many years. For those Mondays and 1sts, and Tomorrows and reading motivational texts, and what not. Trust me, waited for them all. And if you are heading this road SPOILER ALERT they never come. I had some starts, like many of you, but nothing sticks really because I was not accepting the truth.

I was waiting for this almost magical force that would come from within and make me everything I wanted to be. It was an infantile desire, and things don't work like that. And I realized I was a fool to wait when I knew the answer all along.

And I feel like it has not been stressed enough how actually hard it is to get our of this circle. I don't know for others, but since you are here it might not be that easy. All those metaphors about pushing walls stand firm for me. I believe that people who tried this road can understand how hard it is to push, and how often the wall pushes back. And there is nothing much you need. "Just" blunt force. Blunt working for whatever you want, even if you don't yet know what is your final goal you for sure have a smaller one you can work on. It sounds so simple, yet is hard. But rewards are great.

So it is not written in the stars, it is not determined by opinions of others, or the vibe I feel that particular day. It is determined by work. Fucking hard work nothing more nothing less. Feeling like shit and working. But feeling like that goes away after a while.

You know what made an entrance?

Douchebag Motivation. All like "BAZINGA bitches, I do generate work but I must come from work first". Ah Universe, you original prankster.

So that is my story. Will it last? Time will tell.

Submitted April 09, 2017 at 05:31AM by Whatever133 http://ift.tt/2nWzPey