Background: Mental health issues, physical health issues, lack of support system, financial issues, etc. Life feels hellish
So I'm on a new med, and it seems to be helping. But earlier today, I became... sort of suicidal? I was determined to go home and cry and self-harm. I felt as though I was a failure (as I often feel) and I was thinking about how pathetic I was and how I was too stupid to get into grad school.
But suddenly, instead of spiraling even more (as my brain usually does), I realized that even if I had the grades for grad school, I'd be kicked out because of my emotional issues.
I could go home and cry and self-harm and hate myself, or I could suck it up, go to the library, and start acting like the grad student I want to be.
Although I'm still pretty sad, I feel like I have a little more control now. I'm typing this from the library computer. It does hurt, and I'm scared that once again I'm not going to get anywhere. But I do find comfort in the fact that working in the library might bring me closer to my goal, while going home would only push me further away.
Submitted April 29, 2017 at 02:06AM by crystaltorta http://ift.tt/2pdvXsE
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