I work in theatre. I love it and do anything I can to be a part of it. I went really deep into debt getting my masters in acting, but I also design sound, compose incidental music, build sets, whatever people will let me do. I don't care as long as I get to work in theatre.
A little over a year ago, I had a gig at a theatre that was supposed to be my career breakthrough. It didn't work out that way. The show wasn't received well, and even though my personal work was reviewed well, nobody in New York (where I'm based) cared. All they remember is that the show was bad and at best it dissolves from their memory. Also while out doing this gig, I had a seriously traumatizing end to a near two year relationship. Oh and also my grandmama, with whom I was very very close, unexpectedly became ill and passed away.
So. When I got back to NY I pridefully tried to avoid returning to an old job I swore I'd never work again. In my stubbornness, things got so bad that some of my close friends secretly pooled money together to just straight up give to me, along with some food and a Metrocard (this is how you use the subway here). It was simultaneously the most humiliating and special moment of my life. After that, I knew I had to return to the old job. No other option.
In the year that followed: a rib mysteriously broke and I couldn't work or audition, got broke as hell, got depressed as hell, got angry as hell, had several almost's that would have been lifesavers but instead were just letdowns, got so fed up with everything that I literally fasted and prayed bible-style to decide if I should keep pursuing this now obviously dead (or at least unrealistic) dream. I was just so tired of being afraid and tired and sad all the time... I decided to push on for one more year and then I'd switch gears completely and get a desk job. That was that.
... Also of note during that year:
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I met a lady who has changed my understanding of love completely. She stuck with me through some seriously dark times. She is incredible.
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Though I couldn't afford it at all, I made it a priority to scrape together what I could and eat only beans and rice in order to save and start therapy. Needed to work through some of the crap from the summer prior.
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I also started taking my physical health more seriously. Not so good at this one, but trying! Gym, more salads, less pizza, quitting nicotine, etc.
Anyway, these three things have been the things that have kept me afloat during it all.
Well, here I am on my 30th birthday, 9 months after I decided I'd give it one more year. I'm about to head off to rehearsal for my Broadway debut. And after that, I'm going to a voiceover recording session. When it's all over I'm going to meet up with my lady love and go for a drink. Who knows if this trajectory will continue, but hey... Not a bad 30th Birthday.
Oh also, my therapist said he thinks we can stop meeting soon because I've made solid progress. And I can now do push-ups and stuff and feel good in my clothes.
Thanks for reading. Keep pressing on.
Submitted February 24, 2017 at 08:08PM by Just_Here_For_Soccer http://ift.tt/2lAb35a
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