(Resubmitted with a tag, as per subreddit rules)
Sorry if this sounds like a humblebrag, but this is a debilitating issue for me and there's really no way to avoid it coming off as self-flattery. Hopefully someone around here is in a similar position, and it doesn't just sound like I'm trying to say that I'm better than anyone. Here's the issue. I do good work. I always have. Writing, research, music composition, acting, singing, professional work, public speaking, learning languages, it doesn't really matter. Ever since I was a kid, I've always been amazing at basically everything I've ever tried to do. This sounds awesome, and it is, but I also find it really hard to get motivated to do things when I feel like there's nothing I can gain from my work. Nearly everything I've ever done has been praised by everyone who's ever seen it. I've been told "You're too good at X not to do it as a job" about everything from journalism to biology to musical theater. And yes, of course I appreciate that, but there comes a time when being constantly praised makes it hard to appreciate the work that you've done.
There's this real sense of what I'll call "praise fatigue" that happens when you're constantly told that everything you do is top-notch. Essentially, being told that you've done good work becomes commonplace. You don't appreciate being told that you've written a good short story anymore because, "Yeah, of course I did. I always do." When success becomes expected, you don't get any joy out of it anymore. You do work, you put it out into the world, and people tell you it's good. It's not a surprise or a joy to get a compliment because. . .that's just what happens when you make things. So you finish a project, acknowledge the praise, and move on to the next thing without ever really being able to appreciate the work you've done because all that happened was you meeting other peoples' expectations.
Which is the biggest problem with this. When you've got this "praise fatigue" issue, there are two possible results that can happen when you create something: Either it's good or it isn't. If it's good, whatever. Of course it is. It always is. But if it isn't, even if it's just mediocre and not bad, you feel horrible. You don't get to shrug your shoulders and say "Eh, it wasn't great, but it was still passable" because greatness has become a prerequisite for passable work. When everyone expects everything you make to be great, you don't get joy out of making great things, and it hurts extra bad when you don't. This is what's so paralyzing. There's no reason to do anything because the best-case scenario is that I wind up feeling exactly the same as I do now, and the worst-case is that I get hurt for the same reasons anybody else gets hurt when people don't respond well to their hard work. So why do anything?
Like I said, I know how this sounds, and I really don't mean to rub my success in anyone's face. I know how lucky I am to be naturally good at so many things, and to have had the opportunities and support required to practice as much as I have to take those natural talents and really make them something special. But, after having done so, I'm left with this really awful sense that there's no reason to do anything at all. I don't get a sense of accomplishment for it, so I can't do it just for my own sake. I don't enjoy impressing people anymore, so I can't do it for other people to enjoy. I want to produce more, because my life has been seriously depressing lately and I really need to find something to do, but it's just so hard to get the motivation to do work that I feel I won't ever be rewarded for in any meaningful way.
(Edit: Formatting)
Submitted March 25, 2017 at 10:52PM by Blithium http://ift.tt/2mCcgLu
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