First issue: I just lost a big paragraph talking about this problem thoughtfully but phone turned off and now I don't really feel like writing thathat or something similar again (maybe an issue) I will try to write the same thing but not as wide as I did.
Okay so I've been in a long process of getting super motivated then all that motivation dissapears out of nowhere and I thin that problem stared between primary and middle school (I started playing videogames from 5 am to 1am some times not eating in vacations and 4 family members had to live in my house for some time)
Btw though my life I have always been swimming but I stop and then swim again and the cycle repeats...
Middle school in my country is divided in 3 school years each was a different experience for me, first year I entered a religious school got super interested in basketball drawing and videogames. Basketball was fun and played a lot but when entering school team I was rejected even though worse players (hell even over weigh kids) got to enter then I was left out so I stopped playing but keept drawing with 2 friends that painted really good when I'd didn't and learned from them eventually got to even surpass them really fast, I got bad grades and played a TON of videogames for hours and hours straight didn't do homework and I used school to paint. Second year I transfered schools and I got bullied by a guy that sat right next to me fought that guy and he stopped being so annoying all day but kept being an ass, I kept drawing and painting and playing videogames but completely ignored basketball (not intentionally) got to accire more skill drawing and played videogames a lot but actually paid attention to some classes and did homework got to raise grades. Third year came and met other people that have same interests as I did and they sat really close to me got distracted talking but didn't fall gradesi stopped drawing for no reason that I recall I had good skill but through the year only made one drawing, kept playing and got another game recommendation "elsword" where I started bad but got to fight vs max level players with level disadvantages and won entered high ranks and was really good overall, also started watching anime so much I barely slept and okayed videogames in the computers of the school left all activities but ones that involved computers and did both school and games balanced, raised grades and got to travel to England as a birthday gift.
I entered high school (also divided into 3 school years) first year I got a scholarship in a new renown school (where almost everyone knew each other), I talked with many people but over time didn't get along with anyone but my best friend, I played games in class and home everyday but didn't lower grades, and got to swim seriously I swam everyday Monday to Sunday in a new school (I used to go to the same swimming school everytime I did that activity) anyway I was BAAAD could barely swim and was super slow most peoole were faster than me again overtime I started to gain super fast (in this case/condition and strength) and got to enter the team quite fast but was the slower among them, we had a reached than made us give more than we thought we could and in little time I was basically the best in the team overall even amongst older members but the teacher that got me there left the school and the team dissolved I had other renown swimming schools but idk why I didn't even try those options and stopped swimming gradually... Second year I kept the scholarship but lowered grades I kept talking to my best friend played videogames definitely stopped swimming but entered extra classes in school with math and chemistry teahxed to enter contests (which I wasn't bad but neither was I good at) the year was repetitive didn't do anything spectacular but got interested in tennis but its expensive and didn't get to play much and I was really bad at it and never really improved fast or anything and I went to classes I stopped going went again... Anyway I required really high grades in an strict school but as I got less than the asked I lost the scholarship and because the costs were high I couldn't keep assisting to that school so I changed to a cheaper one in my third year, I stopped temis but started volleyball where again was bad but actually did quite good the teachers told me I had potential and got motivated but just for little time before I lost it... I jumped high and could hit the ball without control but with good amount of force, I was really into it I went to other classes outside school and kept training but in every match we had I was always in bench teacher kept seeing potential but a single mistake in game would get me to bench so eventually I didn't like matches but at training I did as good as the best team members was agike and strong yet again I played with the B team and was always in bench, also I got really mad because ethe son of a coach was always in the game and he played really bad... Anyway I was almost always angry at games barely got to play and I and all my teachers knew I did well in technique but matches I sucked, then I researched and realized my height didn't really help to make me a better player (I'm 5'9) u was super focused on Volleyball so much I lost the year I had to repeat but as a punishment I changed schools again, 3rd year again... Anyway I was about entering the volleyball team as I played better than people in this school but I met my future first girlfriend and decided to give her more time and was also let down by my heigh in volleyball so I stopped playing I helped her raise grades and I raised them as well but not quite enough I'm still is this school year and am lost at anything I don't know what to do I like tennis I hate volleyball I want to see if I can swim in higher levels I entered triathlon I want to be a programmer but at the end I don't know what to do i keep plating videogames but feel I'm even bad at it and completely lost motivation I'm 19 and I feel sports are too much for me at my age at programming I got all the tools but haven't started, for volleyball and tennis my heigh is a problem for triathlon I don't know I got motivated I had a test in a renown training school and the teacher told me I could not enter the team but gave me all the tools to be able to reach the representative team (they train to compete) but I haven't even started training I got all but do nothing I feel motivated one day but the next I lose it I want to do things great but I find something that doesn't let me do it im lost at it and at what to do there are days where I just go play anything random I don't even focus on playing one videogame.
That's basically it I feel can't do anything for my age at sports at programming for nothing I haven't just started I used to do things but now I don't and loose all motivation or discipline any advice aside "just do it"? I know it has to be done but I can't get to that point I know its all in my mind and I can do anything if I give it enough time at the right time I know I have to do it constantly i know that now giving up gives the best results but I don't know how to actually apply all that...
Edit: I also started a rigorous first because I have never eaten healthy and that's like the only thing right now I'm following and doing right
Submitted April 29, 2018 at 07:59PM by Aoimiruki https://ift.tt/2vVoBPL
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