Last year, I felt very lost my first year of college and ended switching into business this year in efforts to remain in school and hoping to open myself to a broader field while I figure things out. Yet, I still don't know if this is for me. And I still have no idea what I want to do. And with the increased competition of the job market, simply having a degree isn't enough anymore. You often need experience or post-college schooling, which is usually more specialized, which makes choosing more narrow.
It honestly stresses me out so much. I feel like I'm consumed by it. I lie in bed every night trying to visualize how I want to live my life to be but it's like there's a wall there. It's now to the point where I even dream about it, like my mind is still awake when I'm sleeping trying to figure it out. And when I go to my monotonous job, it's all my mind wants to think about. I sit in the bus and think about. I look around the streets or campus at people and just can't help but wonder what drives them and why.
It's a bit of a confidence inhibitor for me. I feel bad for not having myself figured out and it feels even worse when I lie to people about what I want to do while they seem so passionate and ambitious towards their future goals and I'm just trying to say something in hopes of not looking like a complete loser.
It also makes studying hard when you feel like what you're doing might not be worth it and just a waste of time.
Although I'm stressed over that, I can say I'm in a much better spot mentally compared to high school to first year me. Less anxiety, not sad or numb for weeks at end, I actually am starting to give a fuck about my health, I clean more, educate myself on various topics, and am much more social. It's just the whole "what will I do with my life" thing that keeps throwing me off at times.
Submitted October 29, 2017 at 01:00AM by collegeavocado http://ift.tt/2gKQzTZ
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