TL;DR: In order to make a positive change, you have to first have a positive outlook. Work on how you feel about yourself before you work on changing your habits and behavior.
For my entire life I have struggled with self-esteem. As an adult this has progressed to disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and just generally unhealthy habits. In the mornings I would wake up, look in the mirror, and say “gross”. I would spend the day preoccupied with eating the “right” food and exercising obsessively, and then in the evenings I would binge eat until I fell asleep disgusted with myself, only to wake up and repeat the cycle. I was also drinking alcohol more and more often and in larger quantities. No matter how much I beat myself up and told myself I should feel bad about my decisions and needed to make a change, I felt stuck and powerless.
One day, I was watching my daughters playing happily in their swimsuits, completely unselfconscious and happy, and the thought struck me like a hammer - how would I feel if they felt the same way about themselves that I felt about me? That I could be the one to make them hate themselves by passing on my self-destructive attitudes completely gutted me. That day I made my first appointment with a therapist, and, six months later, I am happier, healthier, and, although still in process, I feel like a completely different person.
Here is what I learned through therapy in a nutshell that has helped me turn my life around:
Self Love: First you have to LOVE YOURSELF. I know, I rolled my eyes too. I was like, “sure, no problem, I’ll just start doing that”. BUT here’s the thing - it’s a process, and it starts small. First, instead of looking in the mirror in the morning and engaging in negative self-talk, walk right past it and start your day. Then choose one or two things you like about yourself or that you are happy about or just a general positive thought, write it on a post-it, and stick it somewhere (for me, it was the fridge). Try framing with wording like “I am good because” instead of “I am good enough because” - how good you are as a person is not about reaching a minimum requirement. Repeat that thought to yourself throughout the day. Then, at night, write five things you did right that day. This process is ongoing, and I did it for weeks before trying to change any behaviors or habits other than the negative self talk.
Self Care: Have you ever had someone in your life that you would do ANYTHING for? Make that person you. Give yourself time, energy, and attention. Get yourself a nice haircut; buy yourself high-quality clothing and shoes. Make yourself a special meal and sit down and enjoy it. Spend time with yourself every day. If you treat yourself like you are worth it, eventually you will believe you are, and other people around you will too. By treating yourself as though you are valuable, you are telling yourself you are worth fixing.
Self Improvement: Once you feel a little more comfortable in your skin and feel like you are worth caring for, you will naturally want to start making positive changes. Again, start small. Make one small, sustainable change at a time. You might even find that this happens automatically as you lessen your dependence on external stimuli to make you feel better. Keep up the positive self-talk, and don’t berate yourself and drown in guilt if you have a bad day or fall back on old habits.Take it one day at a time and soon you will have developed a sustainable, holistically healthy lifestyle.
There is definitely more to it that this, and a lot of little tricks and mental exercises that help, but this is already long enough. I would be happy to share more if anyone is interested.
Submitted June 21, 2017 at 09:16PM by Yalith http://ift.tt/2rREHaA
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