Tl:dr will go 365 days without any sex, dating to save my life
I am 33 and a late bloomer. I get plenty of attention from men and while that might seem good, I am never the girlfriend. I was with a man five years ago, but he was abusive.
I was pretty happy being single. Traveled alone, have amazing friends and family, and kept myself busy with hobbies. But whenever I met someone, and there was promise, I would get so badly hurt. They all seemed to be emotionally unavailable and used me as an ego boost or just for sex. The nail on the coffin was when I dated a guy last year. He came into my life out of the blue. Never felt that way before yadayada. Well after two months he tried to ghost me, conveniently after we had sex for the first time. It really destroyed me. That inspired me to go and visit family in Europe and that helped me go through the pain.
But the loneliness really hit me. I am single at 33 with never had anyone be in love with me in return. Several friends met someone while I was overseas. I felt like a failure. Meanwhile, after stupidly snooping on tinder for his profile, I noticed his tinder was gone. It hurt so much. Meant he probably met someone.
The whole 'he did it for her, not for me' overtook my mind and I spent two days in bed. My depression is at it's worst.
I am in therapy but it is just the beginning.
I decided to delete all dating apps and Facebook. And just focus on myself for 365 days to like myself and not feel like I need a guy to love me to feel worthy.
I started an instagram account for it, and a mental health site said they will publish my article about it! So that is something positive I guess.
I am not goint to lie. I am not doing well. I am depressed and suicidal. But I am trying.
Submitted June 27, 2017 at 12:27PM by PM_ME_A_BELUGA http://ift.tt/2sbW8D7
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