Yours truly: (1) http://ift.tt/2yVicRR
TLDR: amateur bodybuilder, got into medical school, brother committed suicide, I also realized I hated my life, became an unemployed-obese-drug-addicted-self-loathing individual, eventually becoming suicidal. Took a heroic amount of LSD and psilocybin, was convinced by god/the universe/reality to stay alive and get better, because my story could help a lot of people.
I have nothing to sell. I'm simply trying to provide hope and help. I went from the best human I could be to almost killing myself, and have clawed back.
I just want to show others that you can ALWAYS improve yourself no matter how absurdly - hilariously - shitty your life has become
so buckle up buckaroos
Yours truly: (1) http://ift.tt/2yVicRR
amateur body builder going to medical school →
took psychedelics + lost brother to suicide →
3 year journey of self discovery and descent into obesity, unemployment, drug addiction, losing girlfriend, and having suicidal thoughts myself →
Psychedelic experience convinced me not to commit suicide →
16 months of sobriety and therapy, rebuilding my life →
Hoping to tell my story in book and/or podcast form because I feel I could help orders of magnitude more people than I could help being a doctor.
Longer TLDR (the whole story would take a while)
That’s my progression.
In college, I was a hard edged, clean cut, robotic study machine and gym goer. I graduated with honors (magna cum laude), published research in the field of aquatic toxicology, scored in the 95.6th percentile on the MCAT and was accepted to medical school, and scored in the 99th percentile on the PCAT and was accepted to pharmacy school, and landed the dime piece girlfriend.
I was crazy: http://ift.tt/2yWIYcc
But I was miserable. I wanted the white coat, the white picket fence, the sports car and mansion. And I wanted it because I “knew” it was success. But every once in awhile, in the absence of others to tell me how great I was, I knew I wasn’t happy. So after three years of debating the idea and rejecting it from fear, I decided to eat mushrooms.
In a couple of hours, I saw a vision that I simply needed to be happy. So I withdrew my acceptances to the dismay of my girlfriend, parents, and her parents. I jumped into the void of the unknown and decided to say fuck it to the rat race.
A few months later, my older brother committed suicide, sending me into a downward spiral of drug addiction, unemployment, obesity, and self loathing, from April 2014 to July 2016 - which is when I started having suicidal thoughts.
Brother: http://ift.tt/2yTKsE5
Brothers and I tattoo his initials: http://ift.tt/2AV3n2R
In a last ditch effort, in June 2016, I ingested an enormous amount of LSD and psilocybin in hopes of finding reason to live. The experience showed me that the worst was still to come, but if I weathered the storm, I would come out not only doing work that made me happy, but that I’d help others with my story.
Here is a trip report of that day (not quite finished): http://ift.tt/2yUtxkY
So on August 1st, 2017, at the age of 27, I moved across the country and into my parent’s home to seek therapy and sobriety. No social life. No car. Bank account closed. Girlfriend eventually left me.
Once a muscle model and doctor-to-be, I descended into worthlessness. Another LSD experience in May 2017 assured me I was almost there.
As of today, I’ve lost 52 pounds, have been sober for 16 months (sans one psychedelic experience), conquered OCD therapy, overcome body dysmorphia disorder, and ventured into the interior of my soul to truly sit with, understand, and accept what happened to my brother.
Sober (screenshot from september): http://ift.tt/2AW968G
FUCK OCD! http://ift.tt/2yWIZwM
I went from a spartan-like human who had zero empathy for anyone that wasn’t similar to myself to the opposite. I became a person that I realized was identical to the people I used to brush off or, in response to their request for advice, tell them to stop being bitches and work harder.
I lost my brother in April 2014.
Started a mental health charity soon after.
Decided I was gonna go to pharmacy school. Got in.
Decided I needed another year off and do online pharmacy school. Got in.
Decided I wanted to make Youtube videos. Failed. (but i am proud of this one http://ift.tt/2zQy0IV)
Decided I wanted to write comedy scripts. Failed.
Decided I wanted to design bongs. Failed.
Decided I wanted to do stand up comedy. Failed.
Decided I wanted to do Twitter comedy. Failed. https://twitter.com/carrigan_tommy?lang=en
Decided I wanted to write conspiracy short stories. Failed.
Decided I wanted to do inspirational work, kinda worked, but I lost the passion.
Here’s an example of inspirational stuff: http://ift.tt/2AV3oDX
The rest are in my subreddit: http://ift.tt/2yTep7r
Back it up. Soon after my brother died, I moved back to my college town (thought I was going to be doing pharmacy school there). My roommate and I, who was also going through tough times, built a little something in our attic that we dubbed “The Zen Den.”
There was also a little room called the Zen Den:
gallery: http://ift.tt/2AZDlf9
youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T-J4N1BJsg
The Zen Den has an incredibly insane story of it's birth, purpose, and how it acted as a protective womb during the hardest time of my life: my brother's suicide.
It was carpets and pillows from thrift stores, heady stuff from college kids moving out, and one of my best friends made us tie dye tapestries that he used to make for $5 and sell for $80 at festivals. He said he’d do the whole Zen Den for free if we paid for materials and smoked him out while he did it. So the whole thing tapestries: walls, windows, ceiling, everything.
Submitted November 18, 2017 at 11:32AM by calypsocasino http://ift.tt/2zMUDy2
No comments:
Post a Comment