[Text] I need to get up again and start fighting, but I need help.

Hello. I am 20, male. My number one fear is futility, that my efforts will be in vain. Over last Friday and Saturday, that happened to me, twice.

I had a job as a cook. I am not a great cook, but I tried to do the possible and the impossible to improve. I got my fingers covered in cuts and even skipped breaks to keep improving. Last Friday I was fired.

Cooking was my part-time job, and composing for video games was my other part-time job. My current customers' projects seemed like they were beginning to fail, so I spent several weeks producing a new portfolio. I learned a lot in order to apply more professional techniques to my production, I thought I reached a new quality boundary. I thought that I proved my worth with the hours I put into it. I thought that this time I could perhaps even make composing my full-time job, or at least keep it as a part-time job with a little bit better money.

In the end, not a single response was had to my portfolio. It went entirely under everybody's radar, like it never even happened. My previous, shittier work received more praise. I ended up giving up on composing even part-time. I'm done with that.

Now I'm jobless, and with a newfound realisation that I am not close to good enough at the only thing people used to praise me for.

I like to think that life is like an RPG game, where no matter how good you are at RPGs, you can't face the devil overlord final boss with a level 1 character. Your attack and defense stats are not technically high enough and you need to improve. Now I realise that in these games you start with a class such as wizard, warrior, hunter, that facilitate certain jobs and leveling up in different areas. I've got no such starting buffer, if anything it would be villager.

Every effort I've made ever since I moved away from my parent's basement a month ago has all been for nothing. At least then I had money saved up.

I know I found that job as a cook in my first week in this city, and that it should not be that hard to find another work, but now I am paranoid that my best will not be enough no matter the workplace.

I've started going around the city delivering CVs all over again, like I did a month ago, but this time feel like they can see my lack of confidence through my eyes and they will refuse to contact me because of that.

Please help me. Thanks.

Submitted July 04, 2017 at 01:01PM by Amahagne http://ift.tt/2uFpqqy